The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
