i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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