So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
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