I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
