i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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