Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
