her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
