I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize