Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
