I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Reggie can tackle my bush.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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