I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
