Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
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