i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
The power of my boobs compel you
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize