filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
