He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
