i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize