I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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