Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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