YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize