the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Actions speak louder than pants.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
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