Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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