Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
another moral hangover. fuck.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
