I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
