She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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