Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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