I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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