I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
