I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
