porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize
