Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
so that wasnt chicken after all
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
