if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
