Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
