He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
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