tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
