ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
