I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
accomplished twins. life is a go
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
