This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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