I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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