Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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