dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
