look no pants
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
