Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
