I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
It's never too late to be topless.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
