If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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