So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
PS: I just woke up from my shower
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
