Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
