i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
