and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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