OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize