What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
