Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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