he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
