Me. At least after what I've been through.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Just invented taco cereal.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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