There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
The air was thick with penises
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
