you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
