she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
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