my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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