well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
