Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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