oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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