I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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