..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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