We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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