two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
